My Dearest Bradley, I bet you didn’t remember what today is, even though I mentioned it bluntly to your face two weeks ago so you could prepare and write me something real nice. Of course, since your male ape brain can’t comprehend the importance of anniversaries, here I am, alone, without you by my desk [...]
Dear Brad, It’s a daunting thought, but assuming you haven’t already, one of these days you’re going to be responsible for creating another life form. Do you know how horrifying it is to think about you becoming a dad? It’d be like watching a man-child raise a baby. I’m going to assume you’ll have a [...]
Dearest Bradley, After an entire month of making up excuses for why you couldn’t write, you had the nerve to demand a letter from me and on top of that, request a poem. Well, here you have it: When you were at the ripe ol’ age of five, a stroller served as your most cherished [...]
Tags: fake iambic pentameter·I majored in Engrish·lazyass·poetry·sonnet·stroller
Dear Brad, Don’t you find it a bit strange for you to be writing me letters without addressing what happened between us a couple weeks ago? I really feel like it’s unhealthy to act like we never tied the knot. Sure, things have been awkward since our annulment, but I think we should take a [...]
Tags: alcohol·dutch oven·man-child·shameful secret·trotta·wedding
Oh hey there Brad, Remember me? Your former deskmate? The one you used to spill your heart and farts out to? The Priscilla to your Mark but in looks only? When you left me for sales, I joked that we would drift apart, that the space-time continuum would cease to exist. Had I known my [...]
Tags:
